Behaviour

This is the part of this website I was least in favour of including. Not because I felt that people did not have questions about coping with challenging behaviour but because this section of the website is on special needs. I feel that I want to clearly emphasise that children with special needs do not always display challenging behaviour any more than any other child might. I have had the privilege of working with some delightful children / young people with special needs who I’m sure have been far more challenged by my behaviour than I by theirs!

Likewise, I use the term challenging behaviour rather than ‘bad behaviour’ or any similar term. This is because we are all challenged by different things and I think we need to be aware that what pushes our buttons may not push the buttons of others. A quick aside… that for this reason it’s quite sensible to avoid putting a helper with a child that pushes their buttons easily. Also, especially in the case of children with special needs, their behaviour may challenge us but may well not be under their control which is somehow implied if using the term ‘bad’.

Now, I imagine you would like me to give a list of solutions to all those behaviour challenges. I’d be very sought after if God had gifted me with that ability! There have been many times when it would have saved me ‘rising to the occasion’ or quietly crying in the corner. Instead, all I can do is make you look at your individual situations and the children involved and through doing this finding some ways forward. In my experience I have found that it can be a long process with some children in which relationship building has been the key. But do not lose heart! I was recently involved in a workshop for children’s workers with concerns over challenging behaviours displayed in their groups. During the session a middle-aged man wanted to address the group. He then spoke about how he was one of those ‘challenging’ young people who had broken windows etc but how he never forgot the words spoken by youth leaders. These memories eventually brought him take Jesus into his heart and he is now working with young people in churches himself.

There is no quick-fix solution but we can minimise challenging behaviour by identifying and lessening the causes.

• Enjoy the children, exercise your sense of humour.
• Gather information about the children/young people.
• Get to know your group and pray about the sessions and children/young people.
• Plan and prepare for a mixed group. Have all you need at hand? Allow for flexibility, redirect if interest lost.
• Develop relationships – create ethos of respect and value for all, give positive attention and appropriate praise.
• Demonstrate the correct behaviour.
• Have a code of conduct that all know and agree with – set clear boundaries. Know the consequences of breaking these rules, be consistent.
• Have enough helpers. Allocate 1:1 helpers for individual children if necessary.
• Be quietly in control avoiding confrontation and power struggles and having quiet words instead.
• Leave an alternative route open for times when children / young people know they will not cope.
• Do not make threats you cannot carry out.

• Boredom
• Task too difficult
• Asked to concentrate too long
• Do not understand what expected of them
• Want attention
• Do not feel valued
• Not able to control themselves all the time
• As a way of communicating

• Don’t take it personally
• You are not there alone – if you are leading a session direct other helpers to sort situations out
• Stay calm and in control – of yourself and of the situation. Stay objective, take time to think instead of rushing in, respond rather than react
• Know the behaviour policy that is in place and stick to it – consistency
• Think of the safety of all
• If someone is ‘out of control’ wait until they have regained control before talking with them