Support

Parents of children with disabilities may find it difficult to come to terms with their child’s difficulties and the demands that are made on their emotions, time and energy. Some of them will have searched a long time, trying many churches, to find a supporting, accepting and loving church environment. These families desperately need a place to belong; a place that will love and embrace their children just as they are, complete with physical, learning or behavioural disabilities. By showing we care about their child we are extending our care to them.
But of course, ultimately we are here for the children themselves. Children with disabilities are as important, individual and human as the rest of us and just as able to make a response to a God who loves them, even if their response may not be in a traditional form! Like any of us they need to be shown that they are precious to God just as they are.

• Looking after a child with a disability can be a 24 hour job – time for other things may be very limited not to mention finding someone to look after the child when you need a break. This can be an enormous strain on a marriage.
• Going through the grieving process, especially at landmark ages in the child’s life.
• Others not knowing what to do or say and therefore staying away.
• Sense of shame, guilt, fear, anger, failure.
• Sense of jealousy of attention being given to the child with the disability.
• Sense of deprivation of ‘normal life’. Cannot do things others do, even family holidays are not a break.
• Holding onto a job when needing to have much time off.
• The worries of constant hospital visits, appointments with professionals, the health of their child and the future of their child.
• Trying to stay strong.
• Little/no time alone for husband and wife.
• Spiritual conflict about the area of healing.

• Knowing they are different and wanting to be like others.
• Frustration at inabilities to do certain things.
• Being talked ‘about’ rather than ‘to’.
• Lost time for education – due to appointments, operations, illnesses, time taken finding the best way to help the child.
• Segregation, insensitivity of others and rejection.

Love: not neglecting to invite them to social gatherings; not making judgements on their parenting skills, especially when their child is running up the aisle shouting; acceptance of their child as they are, gaining un understanding of their situation.

Prayers: maybe allocated prayer partners for the family – not targeted at healing services!

Valuing: each family member and giving them opportunities to exercise their gifts. This includes the child with a disability!

Practical help: offer specific help (might just be getting shopping, transport, babysitting, assisting child in Sunday school) not unsolicited advice.
Be sensitive to the family’s feelings, encourage them, be honest with them and open to learn from them. If offering things be reliable.

• Be tolerant of different behaviour. Have disability training – specific areas – Disability Discrimination Act, awareness, etiquette, disabilities
• Offer one-to-one support for their child during services
• Reserve seating that is accessible and appropriate for their needs – not isolated!
• Have someone befriend the family that can talk to others in church on their behalf when appropriate
• Have material on disability in the church library
• Run inclusion Sundays – invite outside speakers in, maybe a parent / person with a disability would like to give personal testimony in church?

Is it possible to set up: support groups, mums/dads/siblings groups, training events, social times (babysitters offered), holiday clubs, children’s/ youth activities accessible for the children, a buddy scheme (people to get to know child and spend time with them), respite care?