14: Praying

“What ‘counts’ as praying?”

Maggie Barfield, editor for Tiddlywinks, answers:

At my son's school assembly the instruction when it comes to prayer time is – still, 'Hands together, eyes closed.’ The formula was designed to stop children getting distracted and it's not a 'wrong' way to pray but if it is the only method used, it carries a hidden message: prayer is something you do for a certain amount of time and in a set way. Many of us have spent years of our adulthood trying to unlearn that pattern. Wouldn't it be great if we could help children into the habit of prayer without restrictions?

So, let's leave assembly and visit a church-based nursery. Emily is chattering and Alex is sitting quietly in a corner. Catherine is kneeling on the floor, hands clasped together and eyes firmly shut. Andrew is holding up a slightly damp but very colourful painting. Winston is singing while George bangs a tambourine. Tracey is standing with a book in her hand and reading aloud. Which of them are praying? It may be none of them or it could be all of them! We'll have a closer look at what's going on and see if that gives us any pointers for helping our children pray.

'Hello Jesus, you know that dog I saw...' Emily talks to Jesus in the same spontaneous and uninhibited way that she talks all the time! It may not sound very 'polished' or 'professional' but she's demonstrating something very important. For Emily, prayer is not just saying words. She is communicating with someone she knows – and is getting to know better. She is building a relationship with Jesus. She started talking to Jesus as soon as she started to talk. She uses the same sort of everyday language that she uses at home and with her friends, so she can't help but feel that Jesus is her friend and she is part of God's big family. She probably wouldn't know what you were describing if you asked her to 'pray' but she is fluent in talking to her friend Jesus.

Winston loves the rhythm and pattern of music and rhymes. He finds it easier to remember words when they are put to music and he plays the instrument of his voice all day long. But he's also finding out that he can use songs to talk to God. Many songs he sings in his church group are prayers-to-music and he often sings these at home or when he's out and about. He usually likes the lively, bouncy songs but he's already found out that music can touch his emotions and make him feel courageous, peaceful or melancholy as well as energetic.

He's a quiet and thoughtful child, slightly shy. Praying aloud or in a group is difficult for him but when he's quiet and alone, he can 'talk in his head' and his natural stillness helps him to listen to God. He can hold a silent conversation, pausing to give God time to respond to his thoughts. He hasn't got the confidence or adequate language to explain this to his group leader – but his spiritual life is developing and growing.

The physical attitude of prayer is quite formal in Catherine's church and she is imitating the stance, which she has seen other people using. She is saying some long words, which she has picked up but does not yet understand and she's speaking in a special 'holy' voice. It's not negative though. Catherine has experienced times when words are spoken to God by one person on behalf of everyone in a group but she also knows she can talk to God by herself. She is discovering 'reverence' and ‘awe’ and something of the greatness and special-ness of God.

The whole world is Andrew's playground. He responds to everything and everyone through his eager senses. He's always on the go and into everything. He doesn't talk much. He doesn't have time. But he's always making and doing, inventing and discovering. He's spent a long time working on his painting today and he's done it to the very best of his ability. By showing it and offering it to God, he's doing his very best for God and enjoying using his natural talents in God's service.

Actions speak louder than words for George but he puts everything he's got into his percussion playing. He's learning about being whole-hearted in what he does for God and about enjoying spending time with others, worshipping together and using his gifts and abilities.

Tracey has discovered the joy of borrowing other people's words and thoughts as she talks to God. Sometimes she finds a written prayer says exactly what she wanted to say herself; sometimes she takes an idea from her book and develops it with her own words into her own prayer; sometimes she simply enjoys the beauty of the phrasing and uses the feeling that the prayer generates, rather than the literal words on the page.

All these children are learning that prayer is more than saying prayers and that talking to God is a living and meaningful experience.

Thank you, thank you, God,
I can talk to you.
I can sing and I can pray
And tell you all I do.

(From Let's Sing and Shout! edited by Maggie Barfield.)