7: Death and bereavement: helpful books
“I have a 5 year old boy in my group whose grandfather has just died. Are there any books around which I could use to help him?”
Maggie Barfield, editor for Tiddlywinks, answers:
There are some very well-written and caring books available which tackle this sensitive area. Do read through before you buy, though, and make sure you feel comfortable with the approach taken by the writer and the illustrator.
For children, have a look at The Cherry Blossom Tree by Jan Godfrey, Tamarind/SU, £4.95. A child sharing this book with an adult may be quite content to hear and enjoy it as a story and not want or need to explore the issue further. But it can also be helpful in opening up opportunities for children to think through and talk through what death is and what it all means.
God is always with me by Helen Caswell, Abingdon Press, £3.80, is a subtle and careful exploration of change and dying, showing how dying is part of life – but it’s not the end for those who know God.
The Goodbye Boat, Lion Publishing £8.99 is written by a mother whose young children missed their grandad. It is in large simple text for young children, with beautiful pictures that face up to sorrow. The storyline conveys the idea of life going on beyond death, just as a boat goes on, even when you cannot see it over the horizon. This is one of the most beautiful picture books I’ve ever seen – worth having for the illustrations alone!
Badger's parting gifts by Susan Varley, Picture Lions, £4.99, is not a ‘Christian’ book but it is beautifully presented and it’s a book which young children love for it’s own sake, whether or not they are bereaved themselves. It helps children see good memories as a way of coping with loss.
Recently published by Picture Lions @ £9.99 hardback (due out as paperback in June 2003) is Goodbye Mog, by Judith Kerr. After many adventures forgetful old Mog has finished rescuing babies from traffic and scaring burglars. Again, not a ‘Christian’ book and you may be uncomfortable with the suggestion that there is a ‘mouse-heaven’ for cats but this is a life-affirming and positive book.
For adults Children and grieving by Janet Goodall, SU, is a must-have for every bookshelf - it goes through how different ages react, the stages and processes of grief and how best to help - not a book to read cover to cover but a valuable reference when you need one and don't know quite what to say/do for the best.
Your church library might have a copy of Children, death and bereavement by Pat Wynne Jones, published by Lion. It’s long out of print, but like Children and grieving, it is a valuable book for adults who feel out of their depth when trying to come alongside and help a young child. Some of the children’s conversations are very revealing.
Just my reflection: helping parents to do things their way when their child dies is written by the founder of Helen House, Oxford, Sister Frances Dominica. (Published by Darton, Longman and Todd @ £12.95) As well as the story of a hospice, the book includes much useful information and insights, plus readings, prayers and details of further sources of help.
There’s also a short article about ‘Understanding children’s grief’ in , SU. My Little Yellow Book (published 1 March 2003).
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